Grace is your reward

I am stuck on Grace, I can't get it out of my heart, my head or my creative ideas. I am going to do some sort of series maybe. And here it begins.
I can not live without grace. Grace has changed my life. His grace is enough. His grace is my reward.

Welcomed in

Driving in Canada

I love that I can turn right on a red light here...it saves so much time.
I don't love four-way stops...I much prefer to have the main road going through and then the minor roads at a T junction or intersection. Roundabouts are a fun alternative too.
I don't like traffic lights on roads where the speed limit is above 30 mph (not sure what that is in kpm)
I like how fast and nippy you have to be to drive in Toronto; it brings out my assertiveness.
I like that roads run east to west or north to south although I do find myself repeating Never Eat Shredded Wheat under my breath whilst driving, just to remember which direction I'm going in or should be going in! I have specific landmarks which help too. eg I know that G&C's is generally west of downtown as is TACF. Russ and Jo's and Alyn and AJ's are north. Barrie is north, but parallel north and further north than Russ and Jo's and Alyn and AJ's. Stratford is west. Niagara is south. Yorkdale is east and TACF east is east (I've never been, but cant think of anything else that is east!!)
I love directions and I love maps. I am mostly visual in everything I do and process so I love to see on a map where I am in relation to the rest of the world! (One of my favourite gifts this year was a road altas of North America and Mexico!! Thank you Meghan!!) I also love to remember the way after only driving there once before. I love blessing my memory to recall the route. Again, I think it's a visual thing. I take it all in and remember it almost like a significant experience. I will drive past a spot and remember the song that was playing the last time I drove there, or a conversation I was having with a friend, or a thought that I was deeply into. I also love asking Holy Spirit where to go, I think that is my most favourite! when I am lost, I ask and then when I find my way, it's the best feeling to know that I was not alone and that He spoke and I heard and He got me there!!! I LOVE IT!! I love living this life with him!!
Ok that's all for today :)

Something Someone Said Once

"We are called to obedience, not success." (James Vanderloo, Jubilee Intern Cell Oct.2007)

Yep, that challenged me... :)

Every Movement, Every Thought and Every Feeling

Jo and I did some ministry this week during our weekly skype chat...woah! God is so good.

God has been showing me how much he is really teaching me/us in this.
When this dream to pursue creativity (outside of university) was planted, Jo and I talked about having a 'Holy Spirit led' type of university time. God spoke to me about leading me and teaching me in art. It was a faith thing to believe him!! AND HE REALLY IS!

This week has been about seeing the beginnings of how he wants us to do it his way. It's amazing.

So Jo set me a project (as I have blogged about!!) and actually what ended up happening was a lot of ungodly beliefs (belief systems and values that are not in line with the heart of God) came out.
So when it came time to reflect and talk about the weeks work (as would normally happen in a college/uni setting, only it would be called a 'crit' - time to critique each other's work) Jo quickly saw that God was doing things in me that needed to be moved before I/we could go any further.

A lot of the issues were to do with jealousy (which the Kylstras have just taught on in the PIH conference! Thank you Father!!!) and out of that a lack of validation and worth in the work that I do (as you can probably see in my last blog..hehehe) So we prayed through them and talked. it was amazing! Thank you Daddy for this incredible opportunity to know your heart for creativity, thank you for knowing more than we do about the struggles and battles of being an artist. This is just such a blessing to see soooooo much of His heart for me in this area of my life...I guess up until now, I've always felt I've had to prove my creativity or squeeze it in somewhere...and even tell God what it's like and how I feel as if he doesn't understand that part of my heart...when (hehe) he knows it better than I do!!!

In the many conversations I've had with other artists - young and old - a common theme in the area where they were squashed was in school by an art teacher.
As I was thinking about writing this blog, I was thinking about you (my reader) and if there is any part of your creative heart that you felt had been shut down by another person; maybe it was an artist, a teacher, a friend, a parent.

Well this week's project is about spending time with God and working through some more of this jealousy stuff. Identifying the hurt, Forgiving, repenting for believing the lie and getting back into God's truth. Why don't you join me for a little bit...if God shows you anything, any area of your heart that he desires to be creative, a beauty that he placed in you that has been shut down...maybe try forgiving and allowing God to fill you with truth in that place again...and then let him challenge you to step out a bit more in it.

Let me know how you get on! I'm for sure gonna be sharing some more of my heart this week as these things come up!!!!

After our time together on skype, I looked again at the little things I had done this week...and I saw so much beauty. The lies had gone and the truth was staring me in the face!! I was filled with excitement for the work that I had created. God showed me a pattern too...in my work. things that I had done as separate pieces/ideas...but that actually came together and revealed a part of my heart and what he is saying to me at the moment....HE REALLY IS LEADING ME IN THIS!!

What an adventure!!!

More to come.... :)

Learning to Play Again

So this week's project has been about incorporating creativity into every day life. Understanding that creativity is something that needs to be exercised.

My biggest battle I have found is validating my creativity in my every day life. Things that I already do that are creative, things that I naturally think of that are creative. I have not been doing well with this task so far. I have been thinking about it a lot. My senses are being heightened. but recording it has been where I am not doing so wellllllla.....

how about I sing this blog out loud. yep, that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna write it out, read it out, sing it out. Daddy, let my heart be open to you, let it be like a little girl who has no inhibitions or fears of what will be thought of her. I want to dance and sing out loud in and out of tune. I want to run with all of my might, as fast as I can and then fall in the pretty autumn leaves. I want to learn to do hand stands and cartwheels again and have you tell me how proud you are of me and how good I am at it. I want to colour and scribble and make pots on your potters wheel "Can I have a go please?" I want to swing on the bars and turn upside down and go all the way around. I want to fall backwards and dangle there by my legs. Will you put me on your shoulders and carry me home from the park? Daddy, i love falling asleep in the car on the way home and having you pick me up and carry me to bed. Going to get my feet measured at clarks by the measuring machine, watching it close in on my foot and the sliders slide along the numbers and letters until my size is shown. getting new shoes. learning how to whistle. going down the stairs in our sleeping bags and making loud noises so you can hear the bumps in our voices.

I want to know this freedom in my twenties. I want to be your little girl and grown up young lady and beautiful woman all at once. I want my life to carry the freedom of a child and the beauty and excellence of a grown, confident, accomplished woman. It's ok to make mistakes, I know. but what I want to give you, as a living sacrifice; my life: is a life of beauty and creativity. A life that shows my whole heart. I want to give you everything. May it be a pleasing fragrance that rises to your throne. Let it be your favourite picture that you stick to the fridge with a magnet. Let it be all of me and all of you.

Starting at the Beginning

(These next few blogs are catch ups as I have been writing at JunctionJ the last few months and these are the blogs that I have written there)
My thoughts and feelings as we start this adventure together are so mixed right now...if I am honest...which mostly I am...when I am bold enough to be so.

I am excited because I know that God is big which means big things. Big dreams, big realities, big life, big pictures, big expressions, big blessings, big lessons. I am excited because God has set us up. Me and Jo. He did it. He connected us, he planted seeds. He allowed us to spark and dream and giggle! He loves it. It is an overflow of his heart.

I am nervous because I'm not sure if I have enough to give. enough tallent, enough heart, enough humility, enough creativity.

But then I hear the truth through the lies... the TRUTH: Yelled and screamed and shouted and sung and resounded over and above the stupid lies:

I am His daughter. I am. I am His. That's enough. Enough creativity, enough heart, enough gifting. Enough. I do not need to prove myself as and artist. I am an artist. My Dad is the original and best, the first and the last. I carry Him in me. I carry his DNA. It is Him in me, not me in me. It is who He made me to be, so why should I be scared? It can't be hard to be who you are meant to be can it? It certainly shouldn't be. This who I am...and it's time to grow in that. There's so much more to disover.

I am here in Stratford, Ontario. Loving the life that Daddy is laying out before me today. Being challenged (more of that to come) learning and knowing His heart - first hand. From him. God himself, speaking to me - little me - it's pretty cool.

Just to let you know: Jo Smith and I are starting some distance learning out of JunctionJ. we are stepping out in the area of Art. I am following her (it's not hard, her fragrance is so beautiful that to pick up on it is an absolute delight) Let's see where Daddy takes us.

Lots of love xx

jesus culture - he loves us

Samson

blog hacking is fun

hi my name is liz, i have hacked into lois' blog. hmm this is naughty.....sorry Lo, i love you! make sure you write lots here while you are away! check out the cool pics of us xx

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I shouuuuuuu u u u u u u u u u u u l d.

I finished work today. but you didn't even know that I started work since it's been way too long since we last spoke! Yep! I have been waitressing at the Nant Ddu Logde. I have loved nearly every minute of it. My favourite part is the people I worked with. they are incredible and different and lovely.

Tomorrow is Flames of Fire until Friday 10th
Then next week is Soul Survivor with City Temple's Youth group 'Reality'
And the week after that is the rest of my life. (which I will be staring off in the country of Canada)

In between these activities I need to go to London and see some very special people.

Latest news: Katy May is out of hospital and the three richards have moved to Swansea! yay!!!!! God is good.

ok, now that we are vaguely caught up, let's continue this relationship. Although as my love has said, what with Myspace, Facebook, Orkut and JunctionJ going on, I do not have much time to spend here. But i'd like to come and visit more often...especially as I'd like to fill you in on the exciting things that are happening in this crazy adventure of my life!!!

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

It's my birthday today. Yay me!! Yay God for making me!! Here are my love languages. Looks like I'm bit high maintainence...or you could look at it and think, I could pick any of the top three and she would know I love her...therefore making it easy - you have many options to choose from!

I'm surprised that gifts are low, but, having said that, I have always LOVED the home-made jobs, or the gifts that say you know me which I guess would come under quality time.


I want to learn your language. I don't just want to take a test and live by the rules. I want to learn your language, and speak it with you. I want to be welcomed into your world and love you the way that you were made to be loved.

Teach me your language. Speak it with me. I love you

The Five Love Languages

My primary love languages are probably
Physical Touch and Quality Time.

Complete set of results

Physical Touch:		8
Quality Time:		8
Words of Affirmation:		8
Receiving Gifts:		5
Acts of Service:		1

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Andrex soft and long

I have been to see Katy May a few times now and every time I visit, she amazes me!! She doesn't seem weak at all. of course, she is fragile, but there is nothing weak about her. She is so strong. I imagine so often all of the things that the Father must being saying to her. She is going to live an amazing life! Mark and Leanne have also knocked me over sideways with all of their wisdom and love for Katy. the are just the perfect parents for her! I LOVE Seeing my big bro being a Daddy. He's such a natural. He's also a better blogger than I am...but oh well!

Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

On another COMPLETELY different note, I'm sure you're wondering what it is like for me to back in the UK away from Brazil and my Lover.

Well, amongst other things, I have not gotten used to the old toilet habbits!!! Even though at my first restaurant experience back in Wales, when going to the toilet, I actually did put the paper in the bin and not down the toilet, I have adjusted to that function. BUT, what I haven't adjusted to is how thick and luxurious toilet paper can be. In Brazil, 2ply is a rarety, so I developed a habbit of using more than I needed, just to 'pad' it out a bit, after all, no need to worry that it will block the toilet, coz it's gonna go in the bin anyway right?!

Well, good old Andrex, does not require quite as many sheets to be used, oh no. But I am still finding myself wrapping it around and around, and simply using tooooo much! I am infact in danger of blocking the toilet and causing quite an embaressing scene!

Pray for me, please!

She's all we can think about right now

REALLY REALLY REALLY! if you haven't done it allready, click here and check out my cutie niece and see how she is doing. leave a comment there if you like!She's amazing!!

Katy May Richards

My niece - Katy May was born on April 30th 2007, weighing a tiny 750g and about 21cm long. She was born at 25weeks and is currently in St.Georges Hospital in London. She is stable, everything is in the right place and well formed, underdeveloped, but healthy. Her parents Mark (my bro) and Leanne, are INCREDIBLE and have done amazingly in the last 48hrs as they've turned their lives around to receive this gift a little, well actually A LOT earlier than expected. Katy is doing well, she's a fighter! She will remain in hospital atleast until her due date - middle of august...and really it's just about taking every day, sometimes every hours as it comes. All she needs to concentrate on is growing.

For updates please check out their blog: What Katy Did Next

Thank you for praying, and for caring. I love your support and your friendship means so much to me.

When I saw her for the first time, I was just overwhelmed by how perfectly formed she is. even at 25 weeks she has the perfectest nose and even has finger nails and toe nails!!! God really knows what he's doing when he is creating human life. And God is all over Katy, he adores her!!

By the way, I'm home for a while...but i'll update on that one later...:)

Orphan Spirit Giver

Yesterday, I was walking home from getting waxed and the tiniest little black kitten ran across my path and started mew-owing at me. He was so cute. I have NEVER called myself an animal lover. i like animals, I don't hate them, but really, I am not one to go gushy over an animal.

The kitten looked about 2 weeks old. And continued to mew-ow at me. So I called Junior. He informed me that it had probably grown up in the pipes of the sewer (which I was walking next to) and don't touch him, he probably has desease all over him. He said 'just leave him' . So listening to my wise (or cruel) boyfriend (you decide!) I started to walk on. The kitten followed, running at my feet. He kept getting caught up in my feet and I kicked him by accident a few times. He would not leave me alone. So I called Junior again. He told me, again, just leave it. you can't touch it or do anything. so I started to run. I ran across the bridge and COMPLETLY ABANDONED the kitten. I left him behind, crying out for me. He was crying, yelping, whatever you call it when a cat is in distress!

Urgh, my heart ached to leave him there. Grown up in the sewer!!!!!! Poor kitten!!!!!I did the worst thing and gave him a name in my head (He would have been called George assuming he was a boy)

It was a traumatic experience. Animal lover I am not. 2nd language responder I am.
I asked Junior when I got home if we could go and get him and take him to the Vet or an animal rescue place...but alas, there exists not such thing around these parts.

So that Kitten (George) at the age of 2 weeks, already has an orphan spirit. given to him by me, the big fat abandoner! I prayed for him, yeh, probably the first time I've ever prayed for an animal!!!

That was my morning yesterday.

Patience

About 5 months ago, at the end of one of my blogs I quoted something that I had written to a friend about what I had been learning: "I have been learning that Love is Patient. when God is patient with me, it's not patience that is weary, or itching for something to happen, or doubtful that the desire will one day be filled. His patience for me, is strong, peaceful, resting and welcoming. He waits for me with patience. He loves me with patience. there is no pressure, there is grace, it is complete. I want this patience. I want to rest in my love for people. I want to rest in God's love for me. I want to love and for that love to be patient."

And now I am being blown away by so much more of this patient love. I really don't know what is going to happen next...and that 'next' doesn't mean next year, or next month or even next week, right now, 'next', to me, means tomorrow. I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I have desires and dreams growing inside me and I want to know the outcome, I want to feel 'safe' in my own understanding. But God is asking me to be patient. To rest in his love which is patient: not weary, or itching for something to happen, or doubtful that the desire will one day be fulfilled. His patience is strong, peaceful, resting and welcoming, full of grace and complete.

Wow! God really is good ALL of the time, he really does know everything and really is faithful in preparing me for what's ahead. 5 months ago, I had no idea that I would still be unfolding the deptth of God's love that is patient.

Here is a confession: my biggest frustration in speaking portuguese is that it takes me so long to say what I want to say. (Because I am not fluent yet)I feel embarresed and sometimes I just don't speak at all for this very reason. God was talking to me about this. People need to be patient with me when I speak, and wow, what an incredible blessing it is when they are. I find it hard to even accept this kind of love. (and probably harder to love myself with this kind of love!)

So I am learning to be patient; not with my own patience or with the patience of the world, but by receiveing, being crushed, consumed and overwhelmed by God's love that is completely patient.
Honestly, it's not easy to wait. But it is always worth it. and God's grace is enough. it has to be - he promised and he never breaks his promises.

Uruguay

Yep! that´s where I am right now. In an internet cafe in Uruguay...I´m just on the boarder of Brasil and Uruguay so the people here speak spanish and understand portuguese very well.
I´m in a city that is like one big Duty Free Shopping place in an airport. Everywhere sells duty free stuff. Things from all over the world...well mostly the States. It´s a very poor place though. Well, just thought I´d say hi! and let you know where I am. Uruguay.

Oh, we are doing a ´History Maker´s conference here.´It´s going well. Last night I think I sweated half my weight away whilst playing keys for worship! not because I was playing so hard, but because it was so hot. Today it´s raining. that´s fantastic!

Ok, bye xx

Lolita

Said goodbye to Cathy, Gordon, Meghan and Matthew 2 days ago.
Yeh, it was sad.
I was doing fine, and then all of a sudden I felt the sorrow rise up from the bottom of my stomach, it reached my eyeballs and then leaked out of the corners of my eyes and rested just underneath my lower eyelids.

I had so much fun with them and I just love them so much!

I realised the night before they left, that the pain of saying goodbye was only a great sign of how deeply they have melted into my heart and how openly they have welcomed me into theirs. The pain, even though it hurts, is hugly outweighed by the goodtimes, laughter, love and hope of seeing them all again.

Thank you Papa for such an incredible blessing of relationship and leadership. Thank you for the Beautiful Harris Family. Thank you, more than a thousand times over for loving me so much and giving me the awesome gift of relationship.

We had so much fun!
More pictures to come when I get hold of them...but for now, feast your eyes on this great captured moment!!!

The end

I love endings, especially happy ones, but even bad or sad endings are worth being valued because with every ending, must come a new beginning, in some shape or form.

The end of what may have been the busiest few months of my life, has occured. Even my closets friends were questioning my continuing exsitance since I had not been in contact with anyone for so long - due to the busyness of these past months.

I AM ALIVE.

Let it be known throughout the land that my God is good and faithful and so REAL. I am a living testemony to this very fact. I am alive and that's enough for me. For now.

However, my new beginning hasn't arrived yet...unless it did and I missed it.

I find myself now, in that space between the end and the beginning. The credits have rolled and the Amblin entertainment logo has been shown and now there is just the black screen, or the blue screen with a little green 'Video 1' display on the top left hand corner(depending on which T.V. your're looking at).

There is not much to do, but wait...and rest. Even though the screen shows nothing, the silence is peaceful as the memories of the past moments replay in my mind. As waves of emotion drift over my heart, I am left to contemplate all that has gone before and the endless possibilities of what is yet to come.

I am peaceful, sometimes broken, mostly learning to lay my pride down and trust in the Lord my God, will all of my heart, my whole heart, relying not on my own understanding but in everything I do, acknowledging him for He is the one who makes my paths straight.

I am alive.
And I am waiting to continue this adventure...and yet, even the waiting is part of the glorious journey.

Beloved